Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. – 1 Timothy 6:6
I hope I don’t ever leave the impression that I am giving
anybody advice, or “preaching” to anyone from some position of
superiority. I am always talking to
myself first and foremost, and this is particularly evident today. In fact, I am so messed up today that I am
not sure I have anything to say.
I have a book around here somewhere called Happiness Is a Choice. It was written many years ago by Frank Minirth
and Paul Meier. The point of the book is
that someone who is depressed has the option of choosing happiness. I think that is probably true, to some
extent. For a lot of us who battle
depression, though, what we are really battling is anger that cannot be
expressed – for whatever reason.
Somewhere I got the notion that my job in life is to make the people
around me happy. When I fail to do this,
when people are unhappy, I am a failure.
When I fail, it makes me angry – angry mostly at myself.
But sometimes the response of those I am trying to make happy
is so utterly irrational that I become angry at them. There is a kind of a contract we enter into
in relationships. If someone tells me
they want something done, I assume that, if I accomplish that, they will be
happy. So, I work long hours; I put
aside my own preferences; I exert all the power, strength, endurance, and
intelligence that I possess – in some cases – in order to bring about the
desired end. I expect the person with
whom I entered the arrangement to then be happy.
For some people, however, this is not enough. If you give them eighteen hours a day for six
days, they want to know why you can’t do it for seven days. If you do that, they want to know why you can’t
give them twenty hours a day or why you need a lunch break. The demands are always just a little more
than what you have done, and it is incessant.
Once in a while this becomes just a little bit too much.
The world is not a perfect place, and, as we learned back in
1969, you can’t always get what you want.
At least by 1970, no one had an excuse.
I think I knew it long before that.
Contentment is not the opposite of ambition but of anguish and
lust. To be content does not mean that
we don’t care about anything or that we do not want to make anything
better. It just means that we accept the
way things are for now. Being
discontented does not move a person a single step closer to improving their
situation.
If there is one thing I have learned over many years of
working on software it is probably the art of debugging. In trying to diagnose a problem, the worst
thing to do is change a bunch of things.
Keep constant as much as possible and isolate one change then another
and another until the culprit is found. It’s
like figuring out which bulb is burned out on a string of Christmas lights.
Some people never get it, and some are simply enamored by
change for its own sake. They cultivate
discontent and seem to live on the fruit of anguish it creates in others. And we others agonize, thinking that there
must be some rational reason for their discontent.
In the end, I am reminded of my parents’ line about
crying: “Shut up or I’ll give you
something to cry about.” I wish everyone
had been told the same thing.
That probably wasn’t very edifying, but I feel better.