How the World Really Ended

The devil turned in his fork,
The lake of fire had gone cold,
Said he'd retire up to Maine
'Cause he's just too damn old.
It's a losin' proposition
When everything is said,
Hell never made no profit,
There's too much overhead.

Jesus looked it over,
Thought He might renovate
But runnin' all the numbers
Declared it was too late.
A millennium of rebuildin'
While standin' your head --
It made more sense in the long run
Just to raise the dead. 

So everything came crashin' down
But not the way we thought,
As usual in these cases,
The market over-bought.
We expected flames of fire
And moon-obscurin' smoke --
We got no salt for breakfast
And a book of knock-knock jokes.

We was prepared for the Apocalypse
But it didn't go that way.
The sun came up like always
It was just another day. 
We looked for hordes of aliens
Pourin' from the heavenly hosts.
We got empty parking lots
and all of us are ghosts. 

This is the way the world ends
It ain't altogether bad
Just mostly anticlimax,
Slow, and kinda sad.
A lukewarm way of endin'
A lukewarm world it seems,
A softboiled awakening
To a gray and foggy dream.