Perhaps it may turn out a sang,
Perhaps turn out a sermon.

-- R. Burns Epistle to a Young Friend

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Blame it on the 3:00am phone call

It seems that John Kerry has become envious of the Gaffe-O-Matic, aka Joe Biden. Having proclaimed himself for drawers before he was against them, Kerry suggests that all the important questions have been asked of The Barack and now it has come down to bare underwear. Leaving aside, therefore, questions about why Barama came to Chicago to organize communities under the tutelage of Bill Ayers, why he chose hate-white Rev Wright as his mentor, and how he got a deal, such a deal from his pardon-me-boys buddy Rezko, let us ask of boxers and briefs.

According to Kerry, at this stage in the campaign, questions of leadership and judgment are set aside as the audience wants to know only what is beneath. John Kerry, veteran of so many things, said he was tempted to answer the burning question with “commando” – such daring.

I wonder if he picked up the habit during that Christmas in Cambodia or while he was between heiresses?

“Three-Purple-Hearts-and-home” Kerry then went on to assert that when John McCain was asked, he answered, “Depends.”

If McCain was asked, and answered thus, that’s actually pretty funny. If, however, that is Kerry attempting to mock McCain for his age, it’s pretty sad and sick -- but not too surprising from a man who made his political fortune by comparing American soldiers to “Jenjis Khan”. Kerry was back home after documenting his band-aid Purple Hearts, giving bogus testimony before Congress, giving aid and comfort to the enemy, even as a battered and broken John McCain nobly turned down the opportunity to be released early, denying the North Vietnamese a propaganda boost. Yeah, I’d bring all that back up, Kerry. Smooth move, horse face.

Commando Kerry has given us, once again, far more information than we needed. But what about everybody else?

Sarah wears moose-hide bikinis.

Mike Huckabee, I’m pretty sure, wears longjohns, the ones with the trapdoor, because they just go with bib overalls.

Hillary is boxers all the way – roomier and so much easier to get over the cankles.

Mitt Romney gets his drawers from Joseph’s Secret.

John Edwards wears silky pink ones with embroidered teddy bears.

Fred Thompson always wears a jock strap.

And the One? It seems Barack doesn’t have to worry about underwear since Michelle wears the pants.

5 comments:

julie said...

Joseph's Secret - ho! good one! It took me a minute :)

mushroom said...

I used to have a bad opinion of Mormons -- mostly based on how much I detested Donnie, Marie, and the rest of the noxious Osmond clan. Having met quite a few over the years I have come to the conclusion that they are mostly genuinely nice people -- even the Osmonds. I still wouldn't want to join their religion -- but I like 'em.

julie said...

Yep, same here. I don't share their beliefs, but in general they're good people.

USS Ben USN (Ret) said...

Ha ha! Hilarious, Mushroom!
What does Kerry wear? I would say speedos (extra small), since he was so quick to get out of Vietnam, and so quick to blame the men with real courage who stayed and finished their tours.

Come to think of it, Kerry also was quick to accuse them, as you mentioned, and to accuse our fighting men and women in Iraq and Afghanistan as well.

I always wondered how the voters in MA who vote for this scum every six years can sleep at night.

Bob's Blog said...

Brilliant writing, and I concur wholeheartedly!