Sabotaging Resolutions

I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  …  For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members.  Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?  Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.  – Romans 7:15-25

And so, we start a new year with many making resolutions to live this year differently in some way from the manner in which they have lived in the past.  For the most part, resolutions to eat healthier, exercise, refrain from this, adhere to that will be forgotten before the calendar rolls to February.  Something seems to sabotage our good intentions. 

Many times as a Christian I have sought to break some habit or create a habit.  I have gone to the altar and confessed before God.  I have prayed and asked for help.  I have read the books and tried to follow the seven steps to success or the twelve sure-fire ways to get on the right track.  However, I find, time and again, that what Bobbie Burns told a certain mousie is true for me:  The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men, Gang aft a-gley, An’ lea’e us nought but grief and pain, For promis’d joy. 

It is true enough the plow which us turns us out into December’s cold is not always of our own making and may indeed be beyond our control.  Yet I think, more often than not, the cause of our disruptions and our failures to find that promised joy lies much closer to home.  Who is it that urges you to eat that second helping, skip your workout, or put off an unpleasant task?  Yep.

But there is something else I have noticed:  when I do something that, as Paul says, is “the very thing I hate”, someone is quick to jump up and condemn me for it.  It’s not for the sake of correction.  Instead the voice I hear asks how I could do/think/say such a thing if I were really a Christian.  It says because I fail to do or not do a particular thing that I am a failure in the sight of God.  The voice tells me that I am rejected by God because I failed to live up to this standard. 

Now a lot of people will tell us that it is the devil talking to us, the devil urging us to do something wrong or not do right, and the devil accusing and condemning us when we follow his advice.    I am sure the devil does get involved sometimes.  On the other hand, I have to give credit where credit is due.  I know that my old fleshly nature is itself devilishly clever and not in need of a lot of outside help to pull off some of these shenanigans.  Plus, it is my flesh, which does not want to cede control and authority to the spirit, who benefits.  By making me feel shame and disgust, it drives a wedge between me and my Father. 

Another ploy of the old nature is to deliberately make a mess of things, get me in a bind then blame God.  The flesh asks why I would trust a God who would allow such a thing to happen.

What we are really doing is sabotaging ourselves because there is a part of us that simply wants to be sovereign, to usurp God’s rightful place in our inner being.  It isn’t that we want to be serial killers or real deviants.  We may even choose, most of the time, to do good – give to charity, provide for our families, help others, and live morally.  But in doing so, we are further convincing ourselves that we do not really need God. 

I’ll use myself as an example.  First I will set unrealistic goals and expectations.  Next, I will distract myself and procrastinate.  I’ll get behind in a project.  I’ll stay up late and work extra hours to catch up.  I’ll get irritable and flaky.  My wife will complain about me neglecting her or working too many hours.  So now, I’m feeling unjustly condemned in one way.  Yet I also know -- since I know that reading “Comic Sins” on Lileks or clicking stupid lists on Cracked.com is what got me behind in the first place, that my wife’s complaint is actually legitimate.  At that point, any excuse to explode will do quite well.  I lose my temper, scream, cuss, and smash things – differing from Hulk only in coloration. 

Once all that is out of my system, I feel shame and guilt.  I’m not a real Christian.  No true Christian would do that kind of thing.  How can God overlook all that?  How can I ever go to God again?  I was never anything but a damned hypocrite.  And, of course, the flesh is quite ready to bring up all my past series of failures and ugly episodes to reinforce that point.

It’s all the work of the saboteur -- stealth, deception, and illusion.  It was never in my power to live the life of Christ.  If it had been, Jesus would never have needed to go to the Cross.  God never needed to look for a way to condemn us.  We condemned ourselves, from the first fall in the Garden to the guy who fell off the wagon this past New Year’s Eve.  We know we are wrong, and we want an excuse to wallow in it, an excuse to give control over to the old fleshly nature, to do it “my way”.  Take time to read Romans 7.  I’m not the only one this has ever happened to.  The Apostle knows the agony I feel because he has gone through the same conflict, the same dark, hopeless battle himself.  

The good news is that I’ve got bad news for the old nature:  There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do (Romans 8:1-3a).

 

Falling Into Cracks

Then Paul answered, What are you doing, weeping and breaking my heart? For I am ready not only to be imprisoned but even to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus.  And since he would not be persuaded, we ceased and said, Let the will of the Lord be done.  — Acts 21:13-14

This has been one of those days where disaster rolls up on disaster, where every plan falls apart, where every attempt at fixing a problem creates a bigger problem.  I picked up on this passage yesterday not knowing that I would be living it out today. 

For weeks during his journey back to Jerusalem from Asia Minor, Paul had been warned that imprisonment awaited him.  He did not continue in defiance but in obedience.  He had settled the matter in his heart.  Paul understood that, despite the hardships in this path, it was God's intention that he should follow it.  If you choose to follow Christ, there will be times when you are called on to make intentional and willing sacrifices.  Most of the time, obviously, we don't have people walking up to us with prophetic utterances — though I sometimes think I am given more foreknowledge than I receive or pay attention to. 

If we do get a warning it presents us with something of a problem.  Are we putting ourselves in a bad situation from which the Holy Spirit is trying to guide us?  Or is He tempering us in advance so that the stresses of the trial cannot catch us off guard?

Upon arriving in Jerusalem, Paul and his companions met with the elders of the Church and reported the success of the Gospel among the Gentiles.  The leadership welcomed the news, but they were concerned about the attitudes of the Jewish believers toward Paul and his apostolic calling.   To satisfy those law-abiding Jews, the leaders laid out a plan for Paul to demonstrate his own respect for and rigorous adherence to the law.

.... And they said to him, You see, brother, how many thousands there are among the Jews of those who have believed. They are all zealous for the law, and they have been told about you that you teach all the Jews who are among the Gentiles to forsake Moses, telling them not to circumcise their children or walk according to our customs. 

What then is to be done? They will certainly hear that you have come.  Do therefore what we tell you. We have four men who are under a vow; take these men and purify yourself along with them and pay their expenses, so that they may shave their heads. Thus all will know that there is nothing in what they have been told about you, but that you yourself also live in observance of the law (Acts 21:20-24).

As Bobbie Burns once explained to a field mouse whose life was disrupted by his plow, sometimes it is your very prudence that puts you in the path of destruction:

When the seven days were almost completed, the Jews from Asia, seeing him in the temple, stirred up the whole crowd and laid hands on him, crying out, Men of Israel, help! This is the man who is teaching everyone everywhere against the people and the law and this place. Moreover, he even brought Greeks into the temple and has defiled this holy place (Acts 21:27-28)

Talk about a plan not surviving first contact with the enemy.  The attempt to reassure the Jewish followers of Christ put Paul in exactly the situation the Church was trying to avoid.  A riot ensued.  Paul had to be dragged away from a bloodthirsty mob by Roman soldiers.  Despite his attempts to explain himself, forty Jews swore an oath not to eat or drink until they had assassinated Paul.  He had to be secretly carried out of Jerusalem to Caesarea by night with a guard of two hundred infantry and seventy cavalry.  He remained imprisoned for two years as governors came and went and the Jews continued to demand his life.  Using his legal standing as a Roman citizen, Paul appealed to Caesar and was sent to Rome.  His storm-driven voyage across the Mediterranean Sea was itself an epic adventure, ending in a shipwreck.

But in all that time, Paul had opportunity after opportunity to speak of Jesus, of his own miraculous conversion, of the power of the Cross and the hope of the Gospel.  Just as Jesus had said, Paul spoke before rulers and authorities — governors, kings, councils, and military leaders.  He was like a scrubby little tree growing on a great rocky cliff, his message, like the roots of that tree finding its hidden, convoluted way into cracks and crevices, slowly but surely splitting and breaking down the vast and seemingly impenetrable stone.

Christianity found its way into the heart of the Roman Empire.  Once it had taken hold, it would never be eradicated.  It might be unseen, underground, but it was always, and is always, working, growing, expanding, and breaking through.  Paul did not preach to great crowds of people most of the time.  His work established a number of churches, mostly in Greece and Asia Minor, but he left no large, impressive buildings.  He had a few close associates whom he influenced — Timothy and Luke, for example.  His life and faith witnessed to the soldiers who guarded him.   Still, viewed from the perspective of the great, worldwide ministries, the huge congregations, the wealth of churches and church leaders, the splendor of buildings and physical monuments that abound under the name of Christ today, Paul might not look like he accomplished much.    But he stands very high in the esteem of heaven.  As the end of his life came in view, Paul could truthfully say, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."

Most of us live fairly mundane lives.  We will never be known by thousands or occupy any kind of exalted position in the world.  But there are people around us every day whom we can touch and influence for good, or evil.  There may be only one person that you know who will be impacted by what you say and how you live.  The crack in the rock may be microscopic, but God wants in, and it is up to you and to me to make that possible by voicing and bearing the truth.  God knows I will never be able to live a perfect life, but I can live an honest life and a holy life — holy in the sense that my existence has a dimension and a purpose that transcends the visible and the physical.    

If only, when I face adversity, I could look for the opportunity that is offered.  If only I could stop for a moment beside a flat tire, a dead battery, a crashed computer, a storm-shattered house, a bad report from the doctor, a financial loss, a family crisis, or whatever bad thing I must face — if only I could stop and think, for just a fleeting instant, that God is still in control, and He has a reason for allowing my day or my life to take this direction and this path.  Instead of always declaring war on the devil, sometimes I should consider surrendering to the Lord.

A Just Cause for Celebration

Robert Burns was born January 25, 1759.

A Rose-Bud By My Early Walk

A Rose-bud by my early walk,
Adown a corn-enclosed bawk,
Sae gently bent its thorny stalk,
All on a dewy morning.
Ere twice the shades o' dawn are fled,
In a' its crimson glory spread,
And drooping rich the dewy head,
It scents the early morning.

Within the bush her covert nest
A little linnet fondly prest;
The dew sat chilly on her breast,
Sae early in the morning.
She soon shall see her tender brood,
The pride, the pleasure o' the wood,
Amang the fresh green leaves bedew'd,
Awake the early morning.

So thou, dear bird, young Jeany fair,
On trembling string or vocal air,
Shall sweetly pay the tender care
That tents thy early morning.
So thou, sweet Rose-bud, young and gay,
Shalt beauteous blaze upon the day,
And bless the parent's evening ray
That watch'd thy early morning.