Driving Buicks to the Moon

Oh when the stars have all been counted
And I stop lovin' you
Honey they'll be drivin'
Buicks to the moon -- Alan Jackson's "Buicks to the Moon"

I haven’t seen the Dark Knight yet, and I probably won’t. Nevertheless, the Batman is possibly my favorite superhero, certainly my favorite in the DC universe. My Marvel favorites were Thor and Hawkeye. Spiderman just had too much angst for me – even when I didn’t know what angst was. The reason I like Batman is that he’s basically one of us. Give me the all the bat gear and roll thirty years off my odometer and I could do more or less what the Batman does. I mainly just want the Batmobile.

And Catwoman.

I didn’t get my personal jet pack that Popular Mechanics or Popular Science promised me. I can understand about the flying cars – I mean, do you really want some of those drivers out there to be able to go 3-D? Thank God for gravity.

Still, this is the 21st Century and I am a little disappointed. There’s a lot to like with cell phones and video conferencing, net meetings and mp3 players, and Tasers – which, I suppose, are kind of like phasers on stun. I really thought I have a raygun by now, though, or some sort of plasma weapon.

What about you? What technological improvements would you like to see? What kind of science fiction stuff do you think could be translated into real world devices that would add quality to your life?

This is prompted by two things. One is that my very cheap new American car shows the tire pressure in all four tires on the information read-out. The second is that the governor of my state gave Amtrak $5 million to keep running its route between our two largest cities twice a day.

I think we could find a better way to spend $5 million.

While I have resigned myself to living without a flying car, I would happily embrace a car that drives itself. With GPS and Google Earth and sensor technology, we could have that. I should be able to program a route into my car’s computer, get in and go with the assurance that, even if I doze at the wheel, I will arrive safely at my destination. Of course, I would want to be able to switch to all manual and become invisible to the satellites. You might want to rendezvous with a mistress like John Edwards, or, if the Obamessiah takes over, slip off to the catacombs for a church service.

If I were setting up a system like that, I would have the car fire off an alarm if the traffic got too heavy to make sure I was awake. I’m sure it wouldn’t be too much trouble to get sensors that would keep me a safe distance from other vehicles and keep me in my lane.

How about an “economy cruise” setting on your car’s cruise control? Instead of maintaining a set speed, the computer figures how to get your best mileage for an average speed? That’s not as useful in Kansas as it is in Arkansas, but it would be handy. For example, my brother can get 35 mpg from his Lumina, which is several years old. On long trips, he can get close to 40 mpg. I guarantee he doesn’t have it on cruise. He’s so tight he squeaks when he walks, and will gladly trade speed for improved mileage.

Me -- not so much, most of the time. Still, having the option to let the car figure out my optimum mileage would be handy now and then.

We can fly drone aircraft from half a world away, why can’t trucks be controlled remotely, with the drivers going along mostly for the ride? I would think trucking companies would be interested in having a way to use less fuel and improve safety while keeping trucks on course and on schedule. I know some of this is already being done with RFID’s and other tracking devices in the industry.

Instead of the government wasting money on dead-ends like Amtrak and the ever-expanding list of entitlements, use some of my tax dollars to make the infrastructure a little more high-tech.