Overwhelmed

The Spirit lifted me up and took me away, and I went in bitterness in the heat of my spirit, the hand of the Lord being strong upon me.   And I came to the exiles at Tel-abib, who were dwelling by the Chebar canal, and I sat where they were dwelling.   And I sat there overwhelmed among them seven days. – Ezekiel 3:14-15

This is the English Standard Version that I usually use.  The NASB has a different understanding of that last sentence.  Instead of Ezekiel saying he was overwhelming or stunned.  It says that he was a source of “consternation” to the exiles as he sat, apparently silent and stunned in their midst. 

Maybe it’s just my nature, but I find the typical feel-good thing that is called by some an encounter with God not to be very impressive.   The prophet did not come away from his calling, commission, and vision capering with joy.   Sure, go ahead and tell me all about the New Testament.  Conviction of sin is not a pleasant experience.  Getting a revelation of the darkness of one’s own soul, let alone all the darkness in the world is unlikely, in itself, to leave one feeling giddy.  Having the burden rolled away, as they used to say, is a great joy, but the sorrow, in some form, comes first. 

Agony of spirit and soul may not precede a decision to follow Christ.  People choose for many reasons to follow the teachings of the Church and her ordinances and to practice Christian disciplines.  We may go many years in a sort of peace and tranquility of spirit. When darkness comes, it may catch us by surprise.  Like Ezekiel, the priest, we may be overwhelmed.  We may become an offense to those who have known us, who cannot understand why we are so tormented over something that should have been settled long ago. 

I am not a very good Christian, but as I look around at what passes for Christianity in this modern era, I can’t help thinking something is horribly wrong.  It doesn’t take much reading to make one aware that this is not simply a phenomenon of the last ten or twenty or fifty years.  Tozer lamented the apostasy and incredible lightness of most alleged Christian pursuits in his day.  Jesus warned of it as far back as the Revelation, addressing the seven churches of Asia Minor.  What a shock to find that people generally prefer to feel good and not think too much on the dark and morbid aspects of life. 

We are saved, as Paul said, by grace through faith.  In Pilgrim’s Progress, Christian set out through the gate and on the way because something made him realize his life was awry from God.  That is grace, too.  It is grace that sees us through the “many dangers , toils and snares” of the way we travel.  The road is hard; we are challenged; we grow weary and stumble and sometimes fall.  Christian bore his burden a long time on his way.  Only at the cross was he set free from it, only as he was touched by the agony and the passion of Christ. 

There are those who will tell us that every day is a party, a Holy Ghost party.  Sometimes life is like that.  That’s God’s grace, and we can thank Him for it.  Don’t not be deceived, though.  There may come a time when everything is cold and dark and dead, when all hope is gone, and you feel that you have gone astray, lost touch with God, maybe even been abandoned by Him.  I have had days when it would not have taken much to convince me that I had died and gone to hell.  There is grace in this.  Even if you can no longer believe, even if you are convinced that God has turned His back on you, remember that Jesus asked on the Cross, “Why have You forsaken Me?”  You are there.  The golden morning is only three days on.  Come Sunday.