Encourage the exhausted, and strengthen the feeble. Say to those with anxious heart, "Take courage, fear not. Behold, your God will come with vengeance; the recompense of God will come, but He will save you". -- Isaiah 35:3-4 (NASB)
I haven't written much for a long time. It is a spiritual discipline for me, and I have neglected it. I'm not sure why, other than I have been doing other things -- often less constructive and beneficial to myself. I'm not sure, either, that I am back to a regular routine. I think I needed a break. I started this around the time my father's age finally caught up with him, eleven years ago. I began to neglect it sometime after my wife passed away, four years ago. I've sorted through a lot in the last several years.
I am more certain than ever of the goodness of God. I am more confident that He knows what is going on. I am a lot less certain that I do. I think it used to be reversed. I think I spent a lot of time trying to tell the Lord what I wanted Him to do. These days my prayers tend to be more like, "Lord Jesus, have mercy on me."
At one time, I could have believed I was a messenger of God, along the lines of the prophet Ezekiel, though writ quite small and modestly. Perhaps I was -- to a person or two, thirty years ago. I did the jobs that were given to me, delivered halting messages to best of my ability, struggled with my weaknesses and limitations, and moved on. And I'm still here. I wanted to be like Joseph. I might have been more like Moses when he murdered the Egyptian in his self-righteousness. I always wanted wisdom, but I knew a lot more than I understood, though I was certain I knew what needed to be done. Without getting all megalomaniacal, I wonder if I have not been afflicted with the malady that hinders and binds the modern Church. The Church seems confused, divided, and cut off from what is going on in the world with all its ugliness, vulgarity, hate, and violence. Perhaps it's evidence of a surrender, perhaps just a recognition that Christians can't beat the world at its own game.
The hope for me is summed up in the quoted passage. God is not unaware of what is going on. A person not cognizant of Scripture could be forgiven for assuming God doesn't know or doesn't care about the increasing insanity, the ongoing suffering, and senseless, manic actions that look more like an attack of St. Vitus' dance than ballet or even the boogaloo.
The pendulum has swung far. I would like to think it has reached its limit in the direction of chaos and destruction, but it may be a while before it swings back. But swing back it will. We may not recognize the world when that happens. We may find it disorienting. We may be appalled at the destruction this decades-long descent into pandemonium, this reign of flesh bring about. The recompense will come. The correction will come.
In this time of doubt and questioning, of this I am certain: if we trust in the goodness of God, in the grace of Jesus Christ, we will be all right. We will come out whole.
